So dating wise, I'm back in the midwest at this point in time and I've been on both match.com and eharmony.com. There are people out there - there is hope! Going out last night makes me realize that they are right under my nose. Perhaps complicating my romantic match-finding problem in a big city is that I often have friends come out with me when go out and may seem unavailable because of that. Should I go out.. alone?
Today was disappointing - I went with a friend midday today to a festival with the hopes of seeing Ken, a guy from my new workplace and he did not show. He's kind of a macho guy who wanted to take his friend to a flower show. Let me stop myself there - what? What two men go to a flower show mid-afternoon? He seems so country, but you know what? - there he goes defying my stereotype of him!
He's someone I clicked with on a physical-attraction level the moment I saw him at work. As he came in at work, he saw me and immediately introduced himself to me before I could get a word in, which I was about to do. He's sweet, calm, charming, and easy going. He has me going, that's for sure.
What I really, really want in life right now is to find someone to just be with and take out to dinner. That is my wish right now. I just need a companion. Part of that equation, on the flip side, is moving out of my parents home. The other part, on my side, involes becoming involved in organizations. As if I have time for that right now!! I'm trying to study for the LSAT, apply to work at kaplan, go out with friends and relax with them before the summer is up. I'm trying to learn spanish and guitar. Write this darn blog. Damn, life is busy!
Above all, I need to apply to graduate school. I know where I want to be and it's not here. This next year will be soooo interesting because it will mean that I will find myself as I, and everyone I've ever known, stares me in the face. Everyone except those who know me best - my college pals.
Anyway, to others out there, maybe you can commiserate. It's been six months since I've had someone to open up to completely. I think my honesty was what got me in hot water then, to tell the truth. Opening up to a vixen like that only spells trouble. But it serves an important point - in my future relationships I know that I have to be completely honest with others at every step of the way. That's the only way to form the basis of a relationship. So I have to know myself and take my shortcomings, as I see them, with a grain of salt and in a light-hearted manner.
For the time being, let me make a toast from the past: here's to living at home, not getting into graduate school, and feeling trapped. Oh yeah, and sans romantic prospects, save Ken. But at the same time, here's to coming off at work with confidence and a full head on my shoulders in the other aspects of my life. People back at college look up to me greatly and I have responsability now that is weightier than any I've seen before. Here's to a journey for me to find myself in the best way possible. It will be uncharted and magnificent. The uncharted is better - way better than what I could sew together with a hand!
Friday, March 23, 2012
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Purpose
So the original purpose of this blog was to tell a story, which I have been completely remiss in doing. I've decided to go ahead and pick back up that purpose and throw it against the wall. Let's see what sticks!
So to backpeddle some: Back in ye olde midwest:
I was trying to decide what to do on a Friday night. Do I volunteer with my friend at a sustainability fair? Do I go out with old friends to catch some drinks and then go dancing? Or do I book it to Nashville to visit a possible love interest of mine... who's a boy (my final test of gayness!)?
I stayed home and volunteered at the sustainability fair. And boy did it pan out! There are moments when the world seems to be resynthesized in a new light that gives you a heightened perspective on things. These moments are so beautiful!
It was a gay person's paradise. Ironically, I saw multiple pairs of attractive gay girls displaying affection publicly and not in groups of other gays, which was really great to see in this day and age. Then I ran into two boys, one whom I had dated and one whom I had had a crush on, who are both clearly gay now and were running around with their partners. I had to tell my straight friend about it - oh it was too funny.
Then I met my friend's sister and went to a tea house that was sensational...
I find that I can be myself and that all I've ever wanted is just sitting in front of my nose in terms of culture and dating. I just have yet to experience it and need to stop putting up excuses or walls for not finding it. Others may venture off to NYC looking for a gay population and trying to become themselves. I am finally realizing that I can come into being right here and that this may be a good way to go about doing it. I am being open with friends and family and expressing my interests. I am not running off to another place where I can hide away, be one of many, or simply let others guide me through this process. Thus, what I am doing in liberating and distinguishing at the same time. I am not stepping into a void, but carving my own path through the world.
Being yourself in the place that you live in and expressing yourself is one of the most beautiful things we can give back to humankind. Gay is not defining. You being as you are and see yourself happy is priceless. I want to be one of those people who is always happy and moreover comfortable with who I am. I now realize that so much of my college years I was not at all fulfilled as a person because I didn't know who I was! Coming to terms with myself as a person, and then myself as a gay has meant so much for me in terms of maturation.
Here is to those who can communicate well with their partners - these are the individuals whose sex lives are the best and whose lives are the best. To those who are open about needs and desires, even when those needs and desires abut cultural norms and how to, well, fuck them.
So to backpeddle some: Back in ye olde midwest:
I was trying to decide what to do on a Friday night. Do I volunteer with my friend at a sustainability fair? Do I go out with old friends to catch some drinks and then go dancing? Or do I book it to Nashville to visit a possible love interest of mine... who's a boy (my final test of gayness!)?
I stayed home and volunteered at the sustainability fair. And boy did it pan out! There are moments when the world seems to be resynthesized in a new light that gives you a heightened perspective on things. These moments are so beautiful!
It was a gay person's paradise. Ironically, I saw multiple pairs of attractive gay girls displaying affection publicly and not in groups of other gays, which was really great to see in this day and age. Then I ran into two boys, one whom I had dated and one whom I had had a crush on, who are both clearly gay now and were running around with their partners. I had to tell my straight friend about it - oh it was too funny.
Then I met my friend's sister and went to a tea house that was sensational...
I find that I can be myself and that all I've ever wanted is just sitting in front of my nose in terms of culture and dating. I just have yet to experience it and need to stop putting up excuses or walls for not finding it. Others may venture off to NYC looking for a gay population and trying to become themselves. I am finally realizing that I can come into being right here and that this may be a good way to go about doing it. I am being open with friends and family and expressing my interests. I am not running off to another place where I can hide away, be one of many, or simply let others guide me through this process. Thus, what I am doing in liberating and distinguishing at the same time. I am not stepping into a void, but carving my own path through the world.
Being yourself in the place that you live in and expressing yourself is one of the most beautiful things we can give back to humankind. Gay is not defining. You being as you are and see yourself happy is priceless. I want to be one of those people who is always happy and moreover comfortable with who I am. I now realize that so much of my college years I was not at all fulfilled as a person because I didn't know who I was! Coming to terms with myself as a person, and then myself as a gay has meant so much for me in terms of maturation.
Here is to those who can communicate well with their partners - these are the individuals whose sex lives are the best and whose lives are the best. To those who are open about needs and desires, even when those needs and desires abut cultural norms and how to, well, fuck them.
Friday, September 16, 2011
The Lesbians of LA
Let's all just be honest - Abby Wambach? Lesbian. Random straight-looking people on the street? Lesbians. Lesbians are everywhere, in our midst whether we know it, like it, or care. I'm one of those people who even has to look, to verify: yes, that is indeed a lesbian my friends (said in a jerry seinfeld-esque tone).
While this principle may be true, there are certain places where we feel like there are no lesbians. For example, where I live right now. No lesbians. Never see lesbians. Saw them once. See them in nearby shops. But none near me.
Ouch. That bites, you say. And what's more? I moved to LA.
You see I took this whole post-grad thing and ran back into academia. My job last year was the pits. Really it was. I edited. And wrote. This. As an outlet.
In parts of LA there are many lesbians. This is a well-known fact. The world over. If there is any piece of knowledge that lesbians are born with (besides how to be a lesbian), it is orient yourself towards mecca (LA) because that's where all the ladies are. It's true. LA is a very gay place to be.
I don't get it. Does that mean that the city is stratified then and that you have hetero-only sections of LA? I don't know. Maybe. But maybe not. Maybe compared to other cities LA is still diverse and lesbians are in the mix in every corner, but there are just certain areas especially known to lesbians. That's my theory.
West Hollywood. Especially known for lesbians. In fact, many places in west LA you can find lesbians, I'd argue. Santa Monica promenade. Culver city bars. Yup, they're there. Just I'm not. Usually that is.
I'd really feel more at home if there were more lesbians living near me, you know? I think it affects what I wear and what I see and feel is normal. I think there is only one other lesbian couple living in my building and they stay in their igloo (I'm pretty sure), but their balcony faces mine.
Oops! I've written too much already. Gots to go.. Ciao.
M
While this principle may be true, there are certain places where we feel like there are no lesbians. For example, where I live right now. No lesbians. Never see lesbians. Saw them once. See them in nearby shops. But none near me.
Ouch. That bites, you say. And what's more? I moved to LA.
You see I took this whole post-grad thing and ran back into academia. My job last year was the pits. Really it was. I edited. And wrote. This. As an outlet.
In parts of LA there are many lesbians. This is a well-known fact. The world over. If there is any piece of knowledge that lesbians are born with (besides how to be a lesbian), it is orient yourself towards mecca (LA) because that's where all the ladies are. It's true. LA is a very gay place to be.
I don't get it. Does that mean that the city is stratified then and that you have hetero-only sections of LA? I don't know. Maybe. But maybe not. Maybe compared to other cities LA is still diverse and lesbians are in the mix in every corner, but there are just certain areas especially known to lesbians. That's my theory.
West Hollywood. Especially known for lesbians. In fact, many places in west LA you can find lesbians, I'd argue. Santa Monica promenade. Culver city bars. Yup, they're there. Just I'm not. Usually that is.
I'd really feel more at home if there were more lesbians living near me, you know? I think it affects what I wear and what I see and feel is normal. I think there is only one other lesbian couple living in my building and they stay in their igloo (I'm pretty sure), but their balcony faces mine.
Oops! I've written too much already. Gots to go.. Ciao.
M
Saturday, July 30, 2011
How lesbians are viewed in other countries
I've been MIA and not paying fair attention to our blog here recently. I traveled abroad - to Asia to be specific. I went there after doing a bit of internet research on how lesbians are viewed abroad, but came up rather empty-handed. What I really wanted to know was whether my colleagues in the educational/government-work sector would be socially and culturally comfortable talking about gays or knowing I was gay.
I was disappointed with my results while there. The topic only came up with my Asian colleagues twice: once was a joke about getting AIDS (clearly culturally dated to someone from the United States, as it isn't as much of a health or social issue and not at all funny to me) and another making a gender stereotype about males ("guys here both hug and put their arms around one-another's shoulders... and it doesn't mean that they're gay").
The issue couldn't be broached at all. I'm not one to go making waves unless if someone steps on my toes or says something completely inaccurate. The AIDS joke drew my attention though. It wasn't in reference to gay men, but just the tone of it wasn't exactly soul-soothing.
When traveling with European compatriots - none of whom were gay - there were some references made to gays in passing, but no gays out on my tours. In the street my US friend working with me received a few offers for sex - I think because of his build, baldness and attractiveness.
You could tell who was gay even in the countryside, but it just wasn't talked about or brought up. Maybe others visiting us wouldn't bring it up either, but I just thought it was interesting that it wasn't talked about more. I had to bring it up with my American coworkers and tell them about my partner, which wasn't too much of a big deal at all. They chose not to offer it up as info to our Asian colleagues, but instead offered to others that I was "single."
In China there was an article in the newspaper about the police arresting a pride marcher for being too exuberant in his demonstrating. Apparently the case was going to the supreme court. It was written with a spin in favor of the man, which was interesting because the article is government-approved, but i was worried that the case would be settled in favor of the government not the man due to the law.
All-in-all, I think American is rather progressive on the issue of accepting gays throughout our culture. I think the more gays stand up and say "I'm gay" helps to change the attitudes and legislation supporting gays in a locality. It's important to do that wherever you are - and I could have in Asia - but it's also important to know the attitudes and acceptance of gays where you're traveling too!
I was disappointed with my results while there. The topic only came up with my Asian colleagues twice: once was a joke about getting AIDS (clearly culturally dated to someone from the United States, as it isn't as much of a health or social issue and not at all funny to me) and another making a gender stereotype about males ("guys here both hug and put their arms around one-another's shoulders... and it doesn't mean that they're gay").
The issue couldn't be broached at all. I'm not one to go making waves unless if someone steps on my toes or says something completely inaccurate. The AIDS joke drew my attention though. It wasn't in reference to gay men, but just the tone of it wasn't exactly soul-soothing.
When traveling with European compatriots - none of whom were gay - there were some references made to gays in passing, but no gays out on my tours. In the street my US friend working with me received a few offers for sex - I think because of his build, baldness and attractiveness.
You could tell who was gay even in the countryside, but it just wasn't talked about or brought up. Maybe others visiting us wouldn't bring it up either, but I just thought it was interesting that it wasn't talked about more. I had to bring it up with my American coworkers and tell them about my partner, which wasn't too much of a big deal at all. They chose not to offer it up as info to our Asian colleagues, but instead offered to others that I was "single."
In China there was an article in the newspaper about the police arresting a pride marcher for being too exuberant in his demonstrating. Apparently the case was going to the supreme court. It was written with a spin in favor of the man, which was interesting because the article is government-approved, but i was worried that the case would be settled in favor of the government not the man due to the law.
All-in-all, I think American is rather progressive on the issue of accepting gays throughout our culture. I think the more gays stand up and say "I'm gay" helps to change the attitudes and legislation supporting gays in a locality. It's important to do that wherever you are - and I could have in Asia - but it's also important to know the attitudes and acceptance of gays where you're traveling too!
Friday, May 20, 2011
Support for young adults
The other night I had some co-workers over from my workplace and was reminded of how nice it is to work in a place that is gay-friendly.
See, my workplace is quintessentially a gay person’s paradise. At our last company meeting we discussed how we would never come close to praying over meals because everyone at the company is agnostic, atheist, or religious but doesn’t push their religion on others. About half of my friends at work are gay or bisexual and those who aren’t live with or are friends with those who are.
I’d like to think that this homo-friendly workplace is just due to random probability of being gay and open about it in the population, but I’m not sure if that’s correct. Our boss is gay and I think that that therefore ensures support of one’s sexual orientation in the workplace. By no means do gay individuals flock to us, but I have seen my share of cute girls walk through the doors of our workplace
Anyway, the other night at this gathering I was able to dig deep with one of my coworkers and ask him about what it was like to come out to his parents. We had touched on this before but I had never asked him more questions about the circumstance that surrounded his coming out.
He said that he told his parents via letter a month after they asked him about it. He was twenty years old and in college at the time. His parents called him crying when they got the letter. I asked him how emotionally attached he was to the situation: was he ready for it and reasonably put together, or was he still close to them and their feelings? He said a mix of both but that at that time he was prepared for their reaction pretty well.
Still, don’t you think that would hurt? I know anytime my mom cries part of me says “oh geez she’s over-reacting,” but my initial feeling is “damn, I wish she wouldn’t cry!” If only parents could separate themselves from the situation more and think that their raising us a certain way has nothing to do with it…
Apparently my friend Joe’s parents think just that. The father thinks he wasn’t present enough and the mother blames herself for being overbearing. Well if so, then what happened when Joe’s sister and brother turned out “normal?” They are catholic and going through – and pressing on him – the material from http://www.couragerc.net/. What a site! It’s like an exodus.org sort of thing where you go and they can apparently teach you that “gay desires” are wrong. “Gay desires” or “attractions,” as if that’s all it is. My anus!
What Joe and I took away from our little chat was that we should have some sort of available forum or support for young adults who have just come out or are younger and their parents still aren’t okay with it. It’s a reasonable question to ask to friends or a group: at what point do I issue ultimatums to my parents about their involvement in my life but dislike for my partner or my so-called “lifestyle.” It was decided that I think I shouldn’t let my parents into my life until they accept me for who I am in my complete form. I think it’s disrespectful of them to go on like this and not love me as I am.
My mom recently asked me not to facebook friend a family friend because she’d see I was gay. No way! I told her yes, and then just friended her anyway.
I think the deal is this: my parents generation thinks more of it than what it really is to me. To me it’s no biggie.. everyone knows someone who is, and it doesn’t make any difference what people do with whom in their bedrooms so what’s the problema?
This got me to thinking.. how is it that people express themselves and their happiness with life so freely on the street? Some of the biggest butches, most obviously gay girls on planet earth will be walking around and will be just emanating smiles to others. Is it that they are that confident in themselves, their sexual orientation and the state of the world?
I think I should stop focusing on sexual orientation as the source of everyone’s happiness. It’s not about that.. It’s about freedom! I could never be that confident I feel.
I’m moving to LA and await to see the workplace climate there.. I’m sure it’ll be open and think nothing of human sexual orientation. But that’s just my assumption!
See, my workplace is quintessentially a gay person’s paradise. At our last company meeting we discussed how we would never come close to praying over meals because everyone at the company is agnostic, atheist, or religious but doesn’t push their religion on others. About half of my friends at work are gay or bisexual and those who aren’t live with or are friends with those who are.
I’d like to think that this homo-friendly workplace is just due to random probability of being gay and open about it in the population, but I’m not sure if that’s correct. Our boss is gay and I think that that therefore ensures support of one’s sexual orientation in the workplace. By no means do gay individuals flock to us, but I have seen my share of cute girls walk through the doors of our workplace
Anyway, the other night at this gathering I was able to dig deep with one of my coworkers and ask him about what it was like to come out to his parents. We had touched on this before but I had never asked him more questions about the circumstance that surrounded his coming out.
He said that he told his parents via letter a month after they asked him about it. He was twenty years old and in college at the time. His parents called him crying when they got the letter. I asked him how emotionally attached he was to the situation: was he ready for it and reasonably put together, or was he still close to them and their feelings? He said a mix of both but that at that time he was prepared for their reaction pretty well.
Still, don’t you think that would hurt? I know anytime my mom cries part of me says “oh geez she’s over-reacting,” but my initial feeling is “damn, I wish she wouldn’t cry!” If only parents could separate themselves from the situation more and think that their raising us a certain way has nothing to do with it…
Apparently my friend Joe’s parents think just that. The father thinks he wasn’t present enough and the mother blames herself for being overbearing. Well if so, then what happened when Joe’s sister and brother turned out “normal?” They are catholic and going through – and pressing on him – the material from http://www.couragerc.net/. What a site! It’s like an exodus.org sort of thing where you go and they can apparently teach you that “gay desires” are wrong. “Gay desires” or “attractions,” as if that’s all it is. My anus!
What Joe and I took away from our little chat was that we should have some sort of available forum or support for young adults who have just come out or are younger and their parents still aren’t okay with it. It’s a reasonable question to ask to friends or a group: at what point do I issue ultimatums to my parents about their involvement in my life but dislike for my partner or my so-called “lifestyle.” It was decided that I think I shouldn’t let my parents into my life until they accept me for who I am in my complete form. I think it’s disrespectful of them to go on like this and not love me as I am.
My mom recently asked me not to facebook friend a family friend because she’d see I was gay. No way! I told her yes, and then just friended her anyway.
I think the deal is this: my parents generation thinks more of it than what it really is to me. To me it’s no biggie.. everyone knows someone who is, and it doesn’t make any difference what people do with whom in their bedrooms so what’s the problema?
This got me to thinking.. how is it that people express themselves and their happiness with life so freely on the street? Some of the biggest butches, most obviously gay girls on planet earth will be walking around and will be just emanating smiles to others. Is it that they are that confident in themselves, their sexual orientation and the state of the world?
I think I should stop focusing on sexual orientation as the source of everyone’s happiness. It’s not about that.. It’s about freedom! I could never be that confident I feel.
I’m moving to LA and await to see the workplace climate there.. I’m sure it’ll be open and think nothing of human sexual orientation. But that’s just my assumption!
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