Sophomore Year: Let Us Begin the Lovegames

All calculus class. Every calculus class. That's all I can think about. Her. I'm not sure if it's sex with her or what, but it involves getting close to her and touching her. All class long. We'd been living together as best friends for one year now and really, really liked her. You remember that promise I made to myself early on in the year - to come clean with the fact that I had the hots for her? Well, I never kept because she acted on it.

So let me set the stage for you: it's spring. She had a sports injury and was complaining about her back being tense. Here's how I remember the rest: I asked her if she wanted me to massage it. We'd never touched each other before - we'd hugged several times, held hands once, but that was it really. I admit, though, that I asked her with the hopes that this would lead to more. The massage was mostly appropriate - my hands ventured down her back, massaging her muscley body until they reached the small of her back. They tiptoed - just barely - through her underwear line and back up her back.

For two evenings this went on until to she offered or asked (I can't remember which) to massage my back. Here's where things get spicy! She chose to massage my arm muscles and more towards the front of my body, until she asked me to roll over. Then she was seated on top of me and I can distinctly remember having the thought: "I think this is what sex is."

She could go all night. And so we did. I was stunned - and loved it. I had exactly what I wanted. It felt sooooo good afterward and really expanded the closeness of our friendship. We could do it every evening and in the morning and feel just fabulous the next day.

This went on over the summer in our homes and I dreamt of it every night while studying abroad. The next year at school it started again in October. She initiated it always... and we never really talked about it otherwise. It was an odd relationship. No kissing. Hand holding, yes. Just grinding, head massages, and sitting on one another. When I didn't want it and she still wanted it, she would have her way. When I was napping, she would just sit right down on me. She had drive and a want! But would soon deny me, our relationship, and her own past experiences of everything they were.